Sunday, March 13, 2016

Book Update – It’s Done

The Apple Didn’t Fall, my memoir about growing up with a disabled mother only to become disabled myself, is complete at 48 chapters, 342 pages, 93397 words.

I'm currently exploring publishing options, of which there are many. This could take a while. I’ll update you when I figure out how I'm going to get this on bookshelves.

In the process of editing and re-editing the manuscript, I cut some perfectly good scenes and chapters for a variety of reasons. I kept everything that I deleted, however, in case I wanted to bring it back someday or use it in my next project. In The Apple Didn’t Fall, I skimmed over the period between my youth and when MS started to show up in my late 30s. I had fun summarizing everything that happened during those years in a single, humorous chapter. Alas, that mini-chapter didn’t survive editing, but I thought I would share it with you here. Enjoy.

Chapter 8 – Thirteen Years

Because I need to move this story along, I will summarize the next thirteen years, from the time I was twenty-two until the time I was thirty-five, in 500 words or less. Even more remarkably, I will accomplish this by using only dialogue and age markers.
Age 22
Kim: “I do.”
Mitch: “I do.”
Kim: “Why did you take a job in Cleveland?"
Mitch: “Because there were no jobs in Detroit?”
Mitch: “How do you like the apartment I chose for us?”
Kim: “On the 21st floor? I married an idiot.”
Age 23
Kim, at my company outing: “Who wants to get some drinks afterward?”
All the people in Cleveland that we met because of Kim, and who remain our lifelong friends: “You guys are fun, especially Kim.”
Age 24
Kim: “Living in Cleveland for two years has been great, but let’s move back to the east coast.”
Mitch: “I found this tiny paper mill I can work at in Northwestern Vermont. Close enough?”
Kim: “Do they have bars in Vermont?”
Mitch: “Burlington is a college town, so yes, they have tons of them."
Kim: “Count me in."
Three months after moving, still age 24
Kim: “I’m pregnant.”
Mitch: “Here are the car keys. You’re the designated driver.”
Nine months later, age 25
Kim: “Ouch. That hurt.”
Mitch: “She is beautiful. Let’s name her Amy.”
Eleven days later, still age 25
Mitch: “I thought I might move back to our hometown of Lincoln, Maine when I was 100 years old, not when I was 25.”
Kim: “Can you believe you are going to work as a chemical engineer at the same paper mill where your grandfather and your father worked before you?”
Mitch: “You’re right. You did marry an idiot. But at least our parents will be thrilled that we’re moving home.”
Three months later, and still age 25
Mitch: “Congratulations on your first paycheck as a full-fledged teacher. How much money did you earn?”
Kim: “Bite me.”
Mitch: “I probably deserved that.”
Age 28
Kim: “Ouch. That hurt again.”
Mitch: “He is beautiful. Let’s name him Zachary.”
Kim: “That is such a bold and unusual name. Dare we?”
Mitch: “At least he’ll be a one-of-a-kind name. He’ll be unique.”
Age 29
Mitch: “Ouch. That hurt."
Kim: “After what I went through in childbirth, you dare complain about a vasectomy?"
Mitch: “I totally would’ve gone through childbirth for you if I could have.”
Kim: “You are full of shit.”
Age 31
Kim: “Congratulations on getting your MBA. How much of a raise did the mill give you?”
Mitch: “Bite me.”
Kim: “I probably deserved that.”
Age 35
Mitch: “How much bigger will your paycheck be next year, now that you have your master’s degree, and you’re a guidance counselor instead of a teacher?”
Kim: “Quite a bit, actually. Look at these numbers.”
Mitch: “Nice. You definitely deserve that.”
Kim: “Do these pants make me look fat?”
Mitch: “I would love to answer that question, but we have passed the 500-word limit.”
Kim: “Lucky bastard.”


  1. Mitch,
    I'm so glad you shared this chapter with us.
    I love the foretaste of what's to come.

  2. This was a fun read! Thanks for sharing!

  3. Though this chapter is amusing, I'm certain that the rest of your book isn't written in dialogue ;-).

    1. you are correct. I did not write a screenplay. If I did, though, I'm thinking George Clooney for me?

  4. You are a very funny guy....can't wait to read the book!

  5. funny guy? for more hilarity, see my reply to Webster's comment, above.

  6. This is really charming.