Monday, December 28, 2015

White Christmas? No Thank You

I get it. Global warming might be the most serious threat facing humanity in the long-term: coastal cities underwater, extreme weather events, the elimination of the Arctic and Antarctic ecosystems. What a terrible thing. Worse than terrorism, texting and driving, and Donald Trump combined.

And yet, when we experienced record warmth on Christmas Day in the Northeast, I couldn’t help but smile. I have an excuse, however, an exemption. I’m a wheelchair user in a walkable neighborhood, and the longer we go without snow, the more mobile I am. The more mobile I am, the happier I am. When I’m happy, I smile. I am essentially smiling about the destruction of the planet. Good thing for the exemption, or I might feel guilty.

On Christmas Day, I left the door open to our back porch for the first time in a couple of months. I went out onto my deck, down the sidewalk, into the street, zipped past my neighbor Susan’s house and arrived at the ocean. I sat by the shore with no jacket. Phoebe barked at me for leaving her behind – normal summer stuff.

So, if it was up to me, and I had the power to stop global warming, would I? Yes, I’m pretty sure I would suck it up and do the right thing for the world. I’m such a softy. But, while I officially hope the climate returns to normal and the planet survives, I can’t suppress my smile when the grass is green – it’s not even brown – in my front yard in December.

I’m unsure how the future will play out. In one scenario, the planet will remain habitable for humankind. In the alternative scenario, I will be able to wheel my way to Friday happy hour at the Snow Squall all winter long. Either way, I win.


  1. Chortle, chortle! I tend to think the same way, and I have no wheelchair and no exemption. But who is this "God" that you speak of? Is this, in fact, a pseudonym for Bernie Sanders? I wonder ...

    1. In this context, God is a placeholder for "the man," the one in charge, the one who can issue exemptions, be it Yahweh, Allah, Buddha, Sheldon Adelman, or Bernie Sanders. You are living in danger of being a douche by thinking this way without a written exemption. Want me to speak to the man on your behalf?

  2. On the other side of the country from you, here in the PNW, we're having an 'el nino' year, filled with more rain than is usual. No snow... yet. I guess I don't need an exemption; again... yet.

  3. Can you? What a friend you are, Mitch. I can't bear the idea, after all these years of assiduous avoidance, of becoming a douche. I didn't realize that you had a direct line. That Apple Watch is proving more and more remarkable by the day!

  4. Did you actually say "worse than Donald Trump"?
    Is that even possible?