Tuesday, October 6, 2015
My Crystal Ball
But what if you already understood that your prospects were bleak? Would you want to know how bleak, or would that serve no useful purpose? Unfortunately, I'm not given a choice, because my crystal ball shows up once or twice a year, and when it does I am powerless to look away.
I don't get very ill, very often. But occasionally I come down with a fever that lasts twenty-four to forty-eight hours, and it knocks the crap out of me. That’s because when my body temperature rises, my already frayed nerves conduct electrical impulses even more poorly (talk to an electrician if you want to understand that), and my MS symptoms become aggravated. This is a temporary and reversible phenomenon. No damage is done.
I've learned that this short-term condition foreshadows what my everyday condition will be after another six months or year of disease progression. It’s my crystal ball. I'd rather not peer into it. The future is never rosy.
This past weekend, I dealt with a low-grade fever. I experienced how much more difficult routine tasks like playing cards, mouse clicking, eating, and drinking will be next year. I won’t lie; it was unsettling.
But a strange thing happened when my fever retreated yesterday, and the crystal ball disappeared. I stopped lamenting my uncertain future and regarded my current normal with renewed appreciation. Living in the moment.
I know most of you prefer the upbeat blog posts, but I think it’s important that I am honest with you. As a reward for your having read this solemn note, I'll give you an upbeat ending.
Maybe, one day, my crystal ball will be wrong. Maybe Biotin, Ocrelizumab, or something else will make a difference. I'm not counting on it, though.
Not upbeat enough for you? Okay, how about this ending?