Have I betrayed my childhood self?

I can recall the big questions I wondered about as a child (I was a frequent and vivid wonderer):

What will I be when I grow up?
Who will I marry? (Will she be beautiful?)
Where will I live?
What will my kids be like?
How old will I be when I die?

I remember some of the promises I made to myself as a child:

I will let my kids stay up as late as they want to.
I will eat dessert whenever I want to.
I will become rich.
I will become famous.
Nobody will ever tell me what to do.

I didn’t keep any of those promises.

Less evolved Mitch (Mitch of only a few years ago) sometimes felt guilty about failing to live up to his childhood expectations. More evolved Mitch understands that I hold no obligations to my childhood self. Screw him. He didn't know what he was talking about. He was just a kid.  Granted, he was a darn cute kid, but a kid nonetheless. 

We hold up our childhood dreams in false esteem, especially the famous few among us who actually achieve them- “ever since I first picked up a baseball I knew I wanted to pitch in the World Series.” We formulate these dreams to serve a developmental purpose, not as a blueprint for our life. Our childhood dreams are misguided because children cannot appreciate life’s complexities, and don’t comprehend its subtleties. The degree of wisdom necessary to do so is acquired later in life, if at all.

In retrospect, these are the questions I should have pondered as a child:

Will I be lucky enough to find real love? (I was)
Will I have my health? (I did for the first 38 years)
Will I lead a happy and contented life? (I have)
Will I have a fulfilling career? (for the most part, I did not)
Will I be a good person? (with some exceptions, I think I have been)

And these are the promises I should have made to myself when I was a kid:

I will not feel that life owes me anything, as it is a privilege to simply be alive.
I will not waste precious time on jealousy and hatred.
I will remember to stop and smell the roses.
I will not take my good fortune for granted.
I will be a contributing member of society.
I will live each day as if it will be my last.
I will be true to my family and friends.
I will not be mean spirited.
I will be a lifelong learner.
I will be reliable.
I will be humble.
Even if life becomes difficult, I will persevere.

Would I have kept these promises? Let’s just say that at age 46, I’m still a work in progress.

So, have I been true to my childhood self? If he could have seen the future, he would have considered his (my) life to be a failure. But childhood Mitch just wasn’t smart enough to understand what a good life looks like. How could he have? He was just a kid.